“My name is John, and I am an addict. My problem with addiction started eight years ago, when I was a senior in high school. I had just failed two of my midterms and barely passed the others. I had been struggling to get high grades that year, to earn my father’s and brothers’ respect once and for all. That day, when I saw my grades I knew I could never forgive myself. I knew it was all my fault. I could’ve studied harder, and I didn’t. Thinking about it now, I could have worked harder for the finals and fixed it, but at that point, I was too emotionally exhausted to do anything.”

“A couple of days later I was at a house party, with a couple of friends. They had been begging me all morning to join them, and even though I did, they could see that I wasn’t comfortable. Later on that night a fight broke between our host and his girlfriend. He stormed out to the back yard, and she kept crying in the corner of the room. Minutes later, I went to check on her, and I found her talking to her friend and using SP.”

“I realized, at that point, that I have seen it before. I just never knew what it was. I could’ve sworn I remember my dad using it, every day, after work; when I was little. I even remembered my mom using it not long ago. I wasn’t sure what it was, at first, or what it was supposed to do. So I watched the girl carefully, waited until everyone either left, or passed out; and tried it.”

“For the first time in my life, my mind was silent. No more self-scrutiny, no more judgement, and no more responsibility. Just pure SP heaven!”

“When I first started using, I was doing it at a healthy rate. The more I used it, however, the more I started depending on it. After every break up, I used SP. Whenever I had a fight with my family, I used SP. Whenever I failed to meet a dead line, I used SP. Then, when SP was no longer enough, I had to get stronger solutions, and I am ashamed to say that I did. I have been addicted to all of them since then, and have been using them to deal with every negative aspect of my life”

“See the way it works is, you start with SP, which is short for Self Pity. You hide somewhere where logic can’t find you, and keep reminding yourself of the bad things that happened to you. You do that until it hits you, and you start feeling sorry for yourself. At that point, you stop caring about your problems, your responsibilities, and your life. You just let it all go!”

“Then, when SP is no longer enough, you move on to VC.”

“With VC, which is short for Victim Complex, all you have to do is focus on how everything and everyone around you had done you wrong. And as soon as it hits you, and you start feeling like a victim…. Every worry you have ever had, every regret, every bit of shame, and every last bit of common sense; fades away. You stop thinking about earning things in life, and making it. Instead you get overwhelmed by the beautiful feeling that the world owes you. At that point, when you have neglected reality long enough, your world starts collapsing.”

“Moreover, when your body has had enough SP and VC in it, it develops a condition called PG. Once you have PG, which is short for Projection of Guilt, you would have no traces of logic in your system. You wouldn’t even know that you have a problem. At that point, you would have surrounded yourself with people whose PG is as bad as yours, if not worse. You sit together and keep complaining about how the world did you wrong. About how it should fix itself. Sometimes you even blame each other! But never yourselves”

“The worst part is that PG is contagious. People who befriend you, get infected. If you get married, your wife gets infected. You even pass it on to your children. Some kids do survive it. Most don’t.”

“At this point you have a choice. You either admit that the problem is in you, and seek help. Or grow into a bitter person, and die infested with Self Pity and loathing. I am sure you know people like that. We’ve all seen them. We’ve all felt sorry for them…”

“My name is John and I have been clean for 6 months now.”