We just want to take a moment of silence to pay respect to all of our brothers who were lost to The Friend Zone Penitentiary! The Friend Zone Penitentiary is the most dangerous Maximum Security Detention Facilities in the world. A lot of women, unfortunately abuse their power and sentence great numbers of men to the FZP without a fair trial. Only God know what Monstrosities that take place inside that place. However, here are some testimonies from convicts, describing the awfulness of their situation. Sincerely, the International Board of Men.

“I met her back in fall of 1997. She was in my history class. I offered to help her with her project. I wanted to use studying as a decoy, so I can get close to her. At first she suspected me of flirting with her, but she wasn’t sure. I was being very careful, and subtle. She decided to set me up for a false date, and catch me red handed. She asked me to go watch a movie with her! At that point I thought I was safe… My friends kept warning me… they told me not to go… they told me it was too good to be true! But I was too full of myself to see it. I was too eager. I was stupid. I went there, and immediately realized that I was being ambushed by her and her two ‘besties’. I was arrested on site! I can still remember her voice as she read me my rights… ‘Girls! Meet C.J. he is the best GUY FRIEND ever!!!’ I wish I had listened to my friends…. I wish I never went there that day!” (Convict C.J.)

“Back in spring of 2004, I turned myself in. I thought that if I was honest, and transparent with her she would cut me a deal; or at least show me mercy. But no, I couldn’t have been more wrong! There was no trace of mercy in her voice when she spoke out my verdict. ‘I always considered you as a BROTHER!!!!’ she said. We had only known each other for a couple of weeks at that point! I did nothing to deserve this! Not only does she sentence me to 10 to life in The Friend Zone Penitentiary! Without parole! But also puts me in The Brother Zone Solitary Confinement!  Why?! Why?! Why is this happening to me?!…. That’s not all!!!…. Just to torture me…. Every day she calls me to tell me about other men who didn’t get caught, and shows me how they succeeded where I failed! If someone out there hears this, please kill me! Last month she took me with her, to meet her new boyfriends PARENTS!!! Someone please kill me!” (Convict D.K.)

“I know you must hear this all the time… But I swear to God I am innocent! I never flirted with her! I wasn’t even thinking about it! She tricked me! We had a Chemistry class together back in fall of 2002… She asked me to study with her… I went there, thinking that it was a harmless one on one study session. Only to find myself surrounded by her BFFs! I remember when she gave them the signal to take me! She hugged me out of a sudden and said, ‘ Hey girls! Meet K.F. he is my new GAY FRIEND from school!!!’ And before I could say anything, they had already arrested me…. This is against human right!!! I didn’t get a fair trial!!!! The Gay Friend Zone Penitentiary is an illegal detention Facility! Every year she buys me a cake and forces me to celebrate a friendship anniversary! Someone please tell the UN about this Sh!t!” (Convict K.F.)

“Forgive me father for I have sinned… First I was brought here for the charges of ‘trying to date her’, and ‘not being good enough’; or ‘not clicking’ as she put it. I confess to those crimes, I regret doing them, and I ask forgiveness for them… The thing I regret the most, is buying that b!tch a necklace…. Lord please forgive me! Last week I couldn’t take it anymore! I reached the point of breakdown… So I tried to escape. She caught me! And sentenced me to death! And you know what? I don’t care! If I had to wear that FRIENDSHIP ENGAGEMENT RING one more day, I would’ve killed myself anyways! All I want is for God, and my fellow members of The International Board of Men, to forgive me… And maybe, just maybe consider re-validating my man card; after my death!” (Convict M.J.)

“I have been in The Friend Zone Penitentiary for 5381 days, 13 hours, and 23 minutes! This place is yet to break my spirit. I will get out of here some day! GOD WILL GIVE ME JUSTICE! Every day I sit here doing her nails. I see her tweet a picture of us; titled, ‘Why can’t I find a boyfriend like him’! I’m right here B!tch! But still, I won’t give up hope! The other convicts speak of a legendary man who actually managed to escape…. they say the rates of escape are rising…. Maybe someday… I will escape too…. No more pedicures… No more shopping for shoes…. No more 3 hour long phone calls! Someday… Maybe…” (Convict H.F.)

To Be Continued…